last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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