u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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