no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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