I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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