I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
