Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
