I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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