there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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