I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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