I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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