It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
