New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
