Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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