Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
