When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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