dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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