2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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