I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
