I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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