"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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