Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
