I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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