My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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