I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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