Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When are your genitals available?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
