im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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