it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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