Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
