I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
