The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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