I CAN MOONWALK!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
