talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
