great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
