dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I believe in your delicious
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize