I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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