She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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