Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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