i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
