She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
