I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
