We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
