I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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