I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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