haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.