We're like a lot better than the average bears
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".