6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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