no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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