His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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