i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
