i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
