After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
