Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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