hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pooping to opera.
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