Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
