She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
