So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
