Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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