i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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