Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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