you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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