My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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