my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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