Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
