the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
